The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
