He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
