even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
