lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
