i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
