omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
