is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
