Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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