how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
