Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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