cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
