so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
