another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
