It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
