i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
