Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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