Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
