That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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