mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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