remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
