I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
