I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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