We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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