thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
