I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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