There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she told me i tasted like america
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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