haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
