I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
honey bunches of taint.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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