I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
