he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just google imaged poop.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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