Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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