i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
