there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
