I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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