i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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