cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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