I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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