Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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