Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
