It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to align my fucking chakras
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
