the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
