Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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