All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
