you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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