I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
