The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
