Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
