Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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