All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
