Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
