You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
