Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
