your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
