Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
