You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
