The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
