I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
